The Monthly Round-Up: September

September has been a really weird reading month. Having to go to school has stolen half my reading time and rendered me too tired to read properly in the evening, so this month I read about a billion books but hardly anything that I consider to be a “proper” book. Because I am a snob. I am also too lazy to write a coherent paragraph about all these. My life is a nightmare.

1. The Fireman by Joe Hill
   I really enjoyed this post-apocalyptic brick of a book about a weird disease that makes people spontaneously combust. My review will be on Fourth and Sycamore in October.
2. The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart
   Feminism and boarding school and general bringing down the patriarchy. Hurray.
3. Saga Volume 2
   I like Gwendolyn. That’s really all I can remember.
4. This Place Has No Atmosphere by Paula Danziger
   This was one of my favourite books when I was a small person. All the futuristic stuff, centring around a teenage girl who has to move to the moon, is really cool.
5. Freeze Tag by Caroline B. Cooney
   I reread a load of Point Horror books in September for a thing I was writing for Fourth and Sycamore. I think I am much braver than I was as a kid because this didn’t scare me at all.
6. Hystopia by David Mean
   Wildly confusing Booker longlisted novel about soldiers being mentally reprogrammed to forget their experiences in Vietnam. It was cool, but confusing.
7. Bitch Planet Volume 1
   Why is female nudity such an integral part of every graphic novel? It annoys me. This was pretty good though, with its harsh depiction of a society in which “non-compliant” women are shipped off to a prison planet.
8. Vivian Versus America by Katie Coyle
   This is a really good duology (I remain unconvinced that this is a word). I reviewed it here.
9. Double Date by Sinclair Smith
   Actively terrible Point Horror.
10. The Hitchhiker by R.L. Stine
    My Point Horror reading picked up a bit here. This one was scarier and had a good twist.
11. Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Maas
    Oh, so many issues. Why is it so bloody long? And also other things which would be spoilery if you’ve not read it.
12. My Secret Admirer by Carol Ellis
    This was when I actually started enjoying how bad the Point Horror books were.
13. The Thousandth Floor by Katherine McGee
    This is billed as “perfect for Gossip Girl fans” and I suppose that’s true if Gossip Girl fans like completely vapid, quasi-incestuous stories about ridiculously rich people in a tower. Suffice to say, I am not one of them.
14. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    Still as gloriously silly as ever.
15. The Princess Saves Herself in this One by Amanda Lovelace
    I feel like this is an unpopular opinion but I thought this poetry collection was awful. There. I said it.
16. The Mandibles by Lionel Shriver
    I was reading this in the week Shriver decided to offend everyone with her sombrero-wearing and diversity-bashing. So that was weird. The first part was very focused on economics which was boring, but the bit when the family who all hated each other had to share a house was classic Shriver (in a good, non-offensive way).
17. The Lifeguard by Richie Tankersley Cusick
    Hurray, some good Point Horror. This was actually creepy.
18. Halloween Night by R.L. Stine
    Yet more Point Horror; again, much better than my early rereads.
19. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
    I don’t think I was sufficiently in the mood for silliness when I reread this. I’m having a little break before continuing my reread of the series.
20. Highly Illogical Behaviour by John Corey Whalley
    Review here. This was good.
21. Lydia by Natasha Farrant
    Hilarious account of Lydia from Pride and Prejudice. Review here.
22. Wytches by Scott Snyder and Jock
    This graphic novel was actually really scary.
23. A Study in Charlotte by Brittany Cavallaro
    I really enjoyed this YA about the descendants of Holmes and Watson. Lots of clever references to the Conan Doyle stories.
24. Kids of Appetite by David Arnold
    Love love love. David Arnold is a genius. If you want to read more about my intense love for this book (and inevitable Mosquitoland fangirling, here’s my review).
25. Slasher Girls and Monster Boys edited by April Genevieve Tucholke
    Another spooky read for an October Fourth and Sycamore review. This vastly exceeded my expectations and some of the stories are excellent.
26. The Wangs Vs The World by Jade Chang
    Entertaining but not hilarious family road-trip book. It’s out in November and so’s my review.
27. Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh
    Nothing happens but it was good anyway. That’s the short version. Here’s the full one.
28. A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir
    This sequel to An Ember in the Ashes was excellent and I loved it and now I am furious about having to wait till 2018 (!) for the next one.
29. Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo
    I write this with 100 pages to go, but I’ll finish it tonight so it counts, okay? SO far it’s made me laugh out loud about 50 times. I assume this is intended.

In October, I’m hoping to read some more spooky stuff, including some Stephen King rereads, as well as more of the Booker shortlist. Some of my most eagerly awaited 2016 releases are out this month too, like Gemina and Blood for Blood. What a time to be alive.

The Book Love Tag

Anette at Anette Reads, who actually invented this tag, tagged me for it and I have spent an inordinate amount of time since then wondering if someone as pathologically unromantic as I am can actually complete a love-based blog post. Let’s find out…

I have been staring at these questions for 10 minutes now and still can’t think of anything.

1. YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK COUPLE.
I liked Lilac and Tarver in These Broken Stars. They were endearing without being a massive cliche. Also, space.
Probably my favourite ever is Gabriel Oak and Bathsheba Everdene from Far From the Madding Crowd, because Gabriel is an astounding creation of the male gender and is good at putting out fires.

2. YOUR TOP 3 BOOK BOY/GIRLFRIENDS.
Oh dear. If these are all from Victorian novels does that make me look weird? Like that professor I had at uni who clearly thought she was in some kind of romantic relationship with Henry James?
Obviously, my beloved Gabriel Oak. Frederick Wentworth from Persuasion, all day long. I am also currently quite the fan of Chaol from the Throne of Glass series, but, if you’re reading this and are feeling commenty, please be sensitive to the fact that I’ve only read the first two books, so I don’t want to know if he’s about to die or turn into a talking doorknob or something.

3. IMAGINE YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK COUPLE. WHO WOULD PROPOSE, AND HOW? (IF THERE’S ALREADY BEEN A PROPOSAL: WHO WOULD BE MORE INTO ORGANISING THE WEDDING?)
I remain somewhat obsessed with Simon and Blue from Simon Vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda. I like to think their delightful engagement and wedding would be entirely collaborative affairs, probably soundtracked by Elliott Smith and featuring an Oreo cake.

4. UNPOPULAR OPINIONS TIME! NAME A POPULAR PAIRING YOU CAN’T STAND.
Is Twilight a really obvious choice? Does anyone actually like Edward and Bella? Obviously that one was super-creepy. On the subject of creepy, I also wasn’t a fan of literally any of the supposedly romantic pairings in A Court of Thorns and Roses. Feyre and Tamlin: can you say Stockholm Syndrome? And that creepy dude who turned up at the end to fix her arm and claim her for a week every month or something; that was grim too. Was all this stuff meant to be romantic? I really just thought someone should call the police.

5. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE ROMANCE TROPE?
I like couples who seem real: who have banter and do normal things and don’t call each other “babe.” I don’t know if that counts as a trope but I’m having it.
As for least favourite, I don’t know. I don’t like angst, which is very hypocritical of me because I learned everything I knew about relationships in my youth from Wuthering Heights, so angst was my calling card until I was about 23.

6. DO YOU SHIP NON-CANON COUPLES OFTEN? NAME SOME IF YOU DO.
I think I am too old to ship anyone. I think I’m too old to even use the word “ship.”
WAIT! I have come back to this three days later and I have thought of one. In Dracula, I think Mina should marry Quincey. She’s way cooler than her actual husband seems to realise, and Quincey is from Texas. YES I DID IT!

7. YOUR OPINION ON LOVE TRIANGLES. GO!
As a general rule, I am not a fan. I think they’re fundamentally unrealistic; seriously, how often have you been aware of an actual real person being actively pursued by two people, and unable to choose between them? I don’t even particularly like them when they’re “done well,” as so many people seem to say. I am just really mean.

8. FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVORITE LOVE TRIANGLE?
I don’t particularly like the love triangle (square? whatever it is) in Red Queen; I fail to understand why Mare would be even slightly attracted to Maven, and, although I get the Cal thing, it is pretty obvious to me that Kilorn is the best one. I was also fundamentally traumatised by the weird love triangle in Fans of the Impossible Life, which was all kinds of messed-up.
Do I have a favourite love triangle? Erm, no. Oh, wait! There was actually a good love triangle in Last Night at the Circle Cinema by Emily Franklin. Livvy, the girl involved, was kind of avoiding choosing either boy, for all kinds of quite sensible reasons. So that one.

9. SOMETIMES ROMANCE JUST ISN’T THE WAY TO GO. FAVOURITE FRIENDSHIP?
I liked the friendships in Not If I See You First, which all seemed real and authentic. I also just read The Serpent King by Jeff Zentner, which comes out in March, and the friendships in that book are genuinely very touching as well as genuine.

10. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SCENE WITH YOUR BOOKISH OTP?
Wait, what? Is an OTP a couple who were actually together in a book? Assuming this is indeed the case, I’m going for Simon and Baz in Carry On. But the book is all the way upstairs so I can’t think of a scene. I’m going to say the end of the book. Because… look, just because, ok? I’m an adult: sometimes, “just because” is all I have.

11. IMAGINE YOUR FAVORITE BOOK COUPLE AGAIN. WHO’S MOST EXCITED ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY (EITHER IRONICALLY OR GENUINELY)?
I would like to think none of my favourite characters would be excited about Valentine’s Day, because I am a hater and consequently I think they should be too.

That was extremely hard. If my heart wasn’t so black and cold, perhaps I would be able to answer these questions more sensibly.