This week’s Top Ten Tuesday, hosted as always by The Broke and The Bookish, is Books I’ve Recently Added to My TBR. I have decided to flip this a little bit, in the vain hope that authors might chance upon my blog and be inspired to meet my literary demands (yes, that means you, Harper Lee). This week, I’ve been thinking about books that should exist but don’t. And when I say thinking, I mean starting an aggressing letter-writing campaign to get these ideas in print.
A To Kill a Mockingbird sequel that doesn’t ruin Atticus forever
I am still feeling quite resentful about Go Set A Watchman. Apart from the 78 times people mansplain things to Scout about how she doesn’t actually understand racism, the reveal of my beloved Atticus Finch as a KKK sympathiser was a bit much. I would like this expunged from the record, along with that whole bit about one of the key characters being, you know, dead and everything.
A sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale
Yes, I’m banging on about this book again because it is my whole world. Look, I get ambiguous endings and letting the reader decide for themselves and all that, I really do. It’s just that I’ve now spent 15 years worrying about Offred and I think I deserve some answers.
The original draft of Of Mice and Men
As bookish types probably know, Steinbeck left the original draft of Of Mice and Men in the house with a very enthusiastic puppy, and the rest is history. Maybe the ‘Candy’s dog’ chapter is his revenge against the canine world. I have taught Of Mice and Men and found it to be a singularly annoying book. I have a conspiracy theory that the first version was amazing and probably 500 pages long but when Steinbeck discovered its tattered remains, he either couldn’t remember what he had written or couldn’t be bothered to write it again. I would like someone to tape it back together so I know one way or the other. Maybe it was as good as East of Eden, people!
A book about all the crap teen magicians
Think of this for a second: a book which unites Simon Snow, Alina Starkov, Amy Gumm, Mare Barrow, Harry Potter and anyone else who has ever discovered they have amazing powers but no idea how to use them. Maybe it could be a special school for Chosen Ones. Or a support group or something. Either way, someone could make a fortune from this.
Hermione’s secret diary
Don’t pretend you wouldn’t love to read this. “Dear Diary, today Harry got all the credit for saving the world AGAIN even though it was all thanks to my superior book knowledge and strong work ethic. PS I love Ron.” It would be epic.
A completed version of North and South
Elizabeth Gaskell died before she finished writing this book, which is pretty inconsiderate when you consider that it is about 8 million pages long and basically just ends with a very minimal amount of fanfare. Let’s raise Liz from the grave and get her to finish the job.
An Illuminae prequel
My obsession with Illuminae is such that it is basically real to me and I want an encyclopaedia about it. How did everyone end up in space? And who decided a computer with a brain was a good plan? I need answers to all these questions.
A really good novel about music
Since Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity, I think we’ve been lacking in this area. I want something convincing. I want the band name to actually sound like something you would see on iTunes. I want proper lyrics. The closest I’ve found to the novel I really want to read about music is The Ground Beneath Her Feet by Salman Rushdie, which is wonderful, but I need more.
More Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda
I don’t know precisely what I want here, but I loved this book and I just want more. Maybe a whole book about Simon’s amazing and hilarious parents? This would work for me.
A good Chuck Palahniuk book
Sigh. I love Chuck. Up until about two years ago, he was my god. Then he started writing books which I did not love even a little bit and now our relationship has reached something of a tipping point. I read Beautiful You a few weeks ago and it was pretty much the most offensive and horrible book I have ever read. To add context, I have read American Psycho and that offended me less. So I would like someone to have stern words with Mr P, perhaps encourage him to read some of his masterful earlier works like Fight Club, Survivor and Invisible Monsters, and then we can see if we have a future together.
Would you like to join my campaign for any of these books to be published? Admittedly, some of the writers are dead and that might represent a problem but they can do anything with technology these days so let’s not lose heart. Which inconveniently non-existent books would you like to read? Please tell me in the comments and let’s bemoan the fact that writers don’t care what we think together.